Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
