just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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