Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I need to align my fucking chakras
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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