WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
