Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
