I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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