Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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