his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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