paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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