You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
