Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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