I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
