Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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