So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Never joke about your clitoris.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
