hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The Olympian is in my bed
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
