So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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