I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
