Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
