I seem to have left my pride at pride
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
