Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Randomize
