Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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