I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
