I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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