Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
