Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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