We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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