saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
