Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
