I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
