Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
