Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
