Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
