I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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