I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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