turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
