Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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