I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
