he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
