My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
