her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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