i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You left your phone here
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