I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
