Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
40s are totally the cure
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
