Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
