Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm both gender and math confused
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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