So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
