I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I wish I only lived at night.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Randomize
