Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
