No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
