It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
