I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
