if you like me you must not know who I am
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
