I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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