Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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